DON'T MOVE (2024)

Release Date: 25 October 2024
Director: Brian Netto and Adam Schindler
Starring: Kelsey Asbille, Finn Wittrock

Well, well, well! I hadn’t dipped my toes into Netflix for a while (I know, shocking, right?). So, I decided to venture back into the abyss of binge-worthy content and, lo and behold, what did I find? Don’t Move perched right at number two in the Top 10! With a runtime of just an hour and a half, I thought, “What’s the harm? Let’s see what all the fuss is about!” Spoiler alert: I was right—and wrong—in equal measure.

A Glass and a Thriller

I topped up my wine glass (because that’s what responsible critics do, right?), got comfy, and hit play. The movie kicks off with our lead, Iris (played by Kelsey Asbille, who you might recognize from Yellowstone), waking up next to her husband. But let’s just say it’s clear that her mind is in a fog of grief more than a pleasant slumber. This isn’t your typical morning after a wild party; she’s wrestling with the tragic loss of her son, who took a fatal tumble while they were carving their initials on a tree. I mean, come on—could we pack any more tragedy into the setup?

Determined to end her pain, she sneaks out of the house without even grabbing her phone. Talk about a one-way ticket to the Great Beyond! Armed only with a pocket knife and her son’s red toy boat, she heads to a hiking trail. There’s a sense of impending doom as she approaches the summit, planning to leap into oblivion. This is when we meet our “hero,” Richard (Finn Wittrock), who interrupts her suicide attempt with a story that sounds suspiciously like a scene from a Lifetime movie.

A False Samaritan

Richard is portrayed as a seemingly genial guy, sharing his own tale of woe about a partner who died in a car crash. Nothing says “trust me” quite like revealing your emotional scars to someone on the verge of death, right? It’s an odd meet-cute, to say the least. He spins his yarn so well that Iris buys it hook, line, and sinker. But hold on tight, because just when you think the movie is going to lean into some genuine emotional resonance, Richard reveals his true colors and abducts Iris, injecting her with a serum that paralyzes her.

This is where the movie quickly veers into the realm of cliché. It’s essentially a simulation of the genre beats you expect from a thriller about a man kidnapping a woman in the woods. The cloying setup also leaves much to be desired, especially when you consider that this film boasts Sam Raimi as a producer. You’d think they’d have more to say about the characters, but alas, the script by T.J. Cimfel and David Whiteake is as thin as the plot itself.

The Cat-and-Mouse Game

Once tied up, Iris’s fight for survival begins. She manages to evade Richard for a time, but, as expected, the guy has a plan in place. The cat-and-mouse game unfolds with some genuinely tense moments where you can’t help but root for Iris. Each time she tries to escape, the movie keeps throwing obstacles her way, and my heart was racing. But, just when you think she’s found a way out, Richard shows up with his ever-present crooked smile, serving as a menacing reminder that he’s in control.

The film shares some DNA with M. Night Shyamalan’s Trap, where the villain is just as quick on his feet. Richard is charming in a way that makes your skin crawl, effortlessly spinning excuses and lies to keep his facade intact. But unlike Trap, this movie lacks any psychological depth; Richard is reduced to a caricature of a villain, a crooked smile without any emotional resonance. Finn Wittrock does what he can with the material, but the character feels like a one-dimensional threat rather than a fully realized antagonist.

Lack of Depth in Characterization

Now let’s talk about Iris. The film seems to have a hard time truly seeing her. Much of her role is spent paralyzed, both literally and metaphorically, under Richard’s control. While Asbille does her best to convey the inner turmoil of a woman grieving the loss of her son, we never really delve deeper into her psyche. It’s frustrating because you can feel the potential for a rich character arc, yet the film keeps everything surface-level. We spend an entire movie with Iris, but learn nothing new about her that we didn’t know in the film’s opening ten minutes.

And as for the emotional journey? Forget it. The brief flashbacks provide little more than a cheap trick to evoke sympathy without exploring any genuine emotional stakes. Iris is trapped in this state of grief, but the movie never takes us on a journey to understand how that grief has shaped her as a person. Instead, we get a run-of-the-mill abduction thriller that prioritizes shock value over meaningful storytelling.

Production Value and Pacing Issues

On top of all that, Don’t Move suffers from some glaring production issues. The visual effects? Let’s just say I’ve seen better graphics in a 2003 video game. The score is hyperactive, often drowning out the tension rather than enhancing it. And the pacing? Oh boy, it feels like we’re stuck in an eternal loop of moments that should be suspenseful but end up feeling flat instead.

The climax arrives, and let’s just say it doesn’t pack the punch it should. It ends up feeling anticlimactic, leaving you scratching your head and wondering if you wasted your time. While there are some tense moments sprinkled throughout, the film ultimately fails to create the kind of mood necessary for a thriller to work.

The Silly Superman Moment

Now, let’s talk about the ending. I won’t give too much away, but just know it leans into the realm of the absurd. In a climactic showdown, Katherine fights for her life, stabbing and shooting as if she’s in some kind of action film. But just when you think she’s taken down Richard for good, he springs back to life like a horror-movie villain who just won’t stay dead. I half-expected him to start flying around the room like Superman. “What is he, Superman?!” I shouted at my screen, only to receive a bemused glance from my cat.

Final Thoughts

Overall, Don’t Move isn’t a terrible way to spend an hour and a half, but it’s far from a gem. It has its gripping moments, and Iris’s fight against the odds keeps you engaged—even if the ending is about as predictable as the weather forecast in Seattle. The film certainly fails to explore its characters in any meaningful way, and instead relies on tired tropes and predictable resolutions.

So if you’ve got some time to kill and a bottle of wine to sip, it’s worth a watch—just prepare yourself for some eye-rolling moments and the occasional “Oh, come on!” reaction. In summary, it’s a solid 5 out of 10 for me. A decent thriller with enough tension to keep you invested but not quite enough originality to make it unforgettable.

So, grab your wine, buckle up for some cat-and-mouse antics, and remember: sometimes, the biggest twist is simply expecting the unexpected—and realizing that you’ve seen it all before.

Until next time, my tipsy friends! Cheers!

Final Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ (5 out of 10 stars)